What day is it really?

A number of years ago, one of my students reviewed the literature on communication and Alzheimer’s. Her grandmother was diagnosed with the disease so she wanted to know what the communication discipline had to offer in these cases. Very little, it turned out, but the title of her report was instructive: “It’s O.K. if it’s not Tuesday.”

Her paper suggested that if we know anything about communication in general, we can be sure that most of what we know goes out the window when Alzheimer’s (or dementia for that matter) arrives. That is, the things that seem important to most people (like, what day it really is) have little meaning for people with Alzheimer’s. Most of us are bound by time and space as evidenced by our preoccupation with time, appointments, what’s next. People, like my dad, are really living in what ever happens to be happening--right now.

Dad isn’t suffering from Alzheimer’s (or dementia) the way you hear about in many cases. Jim Wisehart and my brother Robin have helped him get the medical care and medication he needs to hold some of the stuff at bay (for which I am grateful). Still he deals with certain things that make his life significantly different than mine. We live in different realities which make it difficult for us to connect. Since he arrived, I have been impressed with how much of my “talk” has to do with details and planning—what happens tomorrow and the next day and next week and what has to happen so those things can happen the way that I planned. Which is to say that, for me right now, it really matters if it is Tuesday?

This is all very interesting to me because much of this blog has been about time and space and how we are managing it. It is arranged somewhat chronologically around Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years. And you know what? Dad doesn’t give a flip about what year it is, what day it is, or really what time it is. But, guess what? He knows what is going on right now—mostly—and I am glad for that. So, in that regard, I guess it doesn’t really matter what day it is.

ram